Everything we learned from Selena Gomez's new documentary

Selena Gomez has been hiding in and out of the spotlight since leaving the Disney Channel in 2012. The world was able to get a peek into her personal life with the very little she shared on social media — for a while, she was the most followed person on Instagram– but the pop star is sharing a lot more now with her new documentary, Selena Gomez: My mind and me, launched on Apple TV+ today. Gomez is known to be a private person, but she revealed more than fans may have expected in the film. Viewers learn more about her mental health challenges including her struggles with bipolar disorder and suicidal thoughts, her battle with fame and having her name so often mentioned in the same breath as an ex-boyfriend, and her journey of self-discovery.

The film is so revealing that the singer and Only murders in the building the actor came close to pulling the plug entirely. She said A rolling stone that she was nervous about releasing it: “I don’t want this to sound dramatic, but I almost had no intention of releasing it,” she told the publication. “Honestly, a few weeks ago I wasn’t sure I could do it.”

Here’s everything we learned from watching Selena Gomez: My mind and me.

She talks about her relationship with Justin Bieber

Selena Gomez c "Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me" (Courtesy of Apple TV+)

Selena Gomez in “Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me”

Courtesy of Apple TV+

The documentary opens with footage of the final rehearsal before she embarks on Revival Tour in 2016. Her team comes up with costumes, sound and staging when Gomez can no longer contain her discomfort and breaks down in tears in her dressing room. She starts talking about all the things that are going wrong, from her flaws to the way the costumes look, as her meltdown reaches a heartbreaking crescendo.

This moment took place in the midst of her storm relationship with another pop star, Justin Bieber, and in the documentary, Gomez tearfully says that John Janick, CEO and chairman of Interscope Records, called her early that day to talk about a song with Bieber. This makes her cry even harder and ask herself, “When will I be good enough on my own… without needing someone else to be related to?” This was the first time we’ve seen her talk about how her relationship may have felt overshadowed her as an artist and more broadly as a human being.

Later in the documentary, she says, “I was haunted by a past relationship that no one wanted to let go of.”

She talks about her battle with bipolar disorder

Selena Gomez c "Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me" (Courtesy of Apple TV+)

Selena Gomez in “Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me”

Courtesy of Apple TV+

The most harrowing moment in the documentary comes when Gomez’s former assistant details the time the singer approached her and told her, “I don’t want to be alive right now.” This led Gomez’s team to decide to cancel the tour. Gomez had already completed her North American and Australian legs Revival tour, with plans to tour Europe and Latin America. In a statement to PEOPLE, the singer wrote that she “discovered that anxiety, panic attacks, and depression can be side effects of lupus that can present their own challenges.” Gomez, who was diagnosed with lupus in 2011, announced that she would be canceling the rest of the tour to prioritize her mental and physical health.

The documentary reveals more about this moment in her life. In October 2018, she suffered a nervous breakdown and was “down and emotional” due to a low white blood cell count from complications of lupus. Gomez’s mother says she learned of the crash through TMZ, but neither she nor her daughter have spoken publicly about the experience until this documentary. Gomez was admitted to a mental health facility, where her mother and a friend say the singer was completely unrecognizable. She was treated and later released. In footage from 2019, viewers see a remorseful Gomez in her bed, who says she said some things she’s not proud of and admits she “shouldn’t have talked to my mom and my stepdad the way she did which I did.”

Gomez shares more about how her lupus affects her daily life

Selena Gomez c "Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me" (Courtesy of Apple TV+)

Selena Gomez in “Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me”

Courtesy of Apple TV+

During the documentary, Gomez discusses how lupus affects her daily life. When viewers are taken backstage at tour rehearsals, she is shown monitoring her blood pressure and mentions that if her blood pressure gets too high, she could have a stroke.

She also talks about the physical pain she has to deal with and at one point we see her sobbing because the pain in her joints is so unbearable. She gets on the phone with her doctor, who tells her that it could be rheumatoid/lupus overlap and suggests that she get IV treatment with Rituxan, a drug used to treat some autoimmune diseases and cancer. The singer explains how the treatment isn’t easy on one’s body at first, but she puts on a brave face because she wants to serve as an inspiration to those who may be going through something similar.

She puts her heart into her philanthropic work

Selena Gomez and director Alec Keshishian on the set of Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me" (Courtesy of Apple TV+)

Selena Gomez and director Alec Keshishian on the set of ‘Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me’

Courtesy of Apple TV+

Gomez seems to find true joy in helping those in need. She constantly mentions what she feels is her greater purpose in life, and at one point her boyfriend calls her out to say, “I think you know what [your calling] is, but you don’t always choose to walk in it. Gomez agrees, but asks her to clarify, to which her friend replies, “I think you know what fuels you and gives you purpose and the things that make you happy, but I don’t always think you choose that.”

When doing her philanthropic work, which includes mental health advocacy, activism, and raising money for causes advocating for mental health and education, Gomez can’t seem to wipe the smile off her face. When he holds meetings for her musical career, but she is constantly nervous. At first she looks annoyed. Photos of her in Kenya, attending a primary school and a college she helped raise money to build, show her relaxed, connecting with the people she helps.

Gomez released a new song in tandem with the documentary and has since been teasing her first musical comeback since 2020. rarely album. In an interview with Diversityshe said she plans to release music “hopefully next year.”

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Write to Moises Mendes II c [email protected].

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